eelpatrickharris:

eelpatrickharris:

anyone else have one of those Formative Omegle Experiences that’s stuck with you

i remember once matching up with this 27 year old mechanic. he found the omegle page open on one the shop’s computers, and he wanted to see what his coworker was up to. we matched up because of our listed “manga” interests.

he asked how old i was, and i lied and said i was 16. as a conversation starter, he asked if i had my license yet, and because i was 12, i said no.

so he starts giving me driving tips. get a junker as your first, because when you finally get a new car, you’ll be able to appreciate it.

stick shift is going out of fashion, and even if you learn how to drive that way and enjoy it, get an automatic. it’ll save your ass on nasty hills and in rush hour traffic.

and most importantly, never hold your hands at 10 and 2. go with 9 and 3. he’d always loved cars, and used to race when he was younger. became pretty well known in the indie circles. one day, he was speeding around the track and just came out of the curve when a girl in the crowd flashed her tits at him.

he was so distracted that he crashed straight into the barrier. due to how he was holding the wheel, he broke both of his arms. he still has a couple lingering issues.

i asked him if it was worth it, and he said yes. he’d do it again if he had the chance. they were the finest tiddies he’d ever seen.

the moral of this story is that, to this day, i grip 9 and 3 when using both hands because wait that’s what tiddy guy said i should do.

aprillikesthings:

skyboundandsprinting:

punkslovepoints:

kuttithevangu:

My favorite lifehack is I’m never too polite to take leftovers from any event. “Please take leftovers,” the hostess says, and everyone diffidently murmurs something about the size of their fridge, but I am already sweeping an entire basket of bagels into my tote bag. I gather there may be some unspoken rule of upperclass etiquette that stands in people’s way but listen. Break free of your chains

pro tip: tell people that ur “committed to reducing food waste“ and not only will they not judge u, but you will be seen as conforming to upperclass etiquette

#i could write an essay about how the perceived class of those accepting free food directly correlates with other’s reactions #discovering the term ‘food waste’ suddenly turns people from scroungers to planet savers #and it’s all the damn same thing #if you take free food because you need it you’re seen as a scrounger #if you take it to reduce food waste you’re a god damn hero

I’ll never forget the time I asked for a box after me and an SO went to dinner with his family, and his dad said something about it being tacky and I was like I’M POOR, ASSHOLE

marsixm:

heres the idea: instead of vogue magazine it’s vague magazine. all the editorials are blurry. models shot from 60 feet away. ads just say “buy it”. models hide behind trees and shrubs. you can’t tell what anyone’s wearing.